During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

This funny story reminds me - I did a show a couple of years ago at a well known Mental Asylum in my Home town. I was booked to entertain the Doctors and Nurses- I arrived all decked out in my feathers and hat, clutching a big pair of BIG PURPLE UNDIES.

I got lost walking around the campus- a member of staff came over and asked me if I was Ok ? I said "Yes I am doing a show here today"- she said "Yes Love - how Lovely do you remember what your name is ?" LOL !!! I said " YES MY NAME IS STUPID- AS I ALWAYS FORGET THE BIT OF PAPER WITH MY INSTRUCTIONS ON - I SIGHED - NO REALLY I AM HERE TO PERFORM A SHOW " she kindly kept talking & offered to walk with me to find my important Instructions she gently and calmly tried to reassure me that perhaps she could help me back to my ward LOL LOL LOL !!!

Anyway she sounded so nice - I really toyed with the idea of just going with her and lying down and having a rest somewhere - until I was spotted by person whom booked me for the performance (which I was now late for - I was booked to cheer up the Medical Students at the end of a very cruelling conference to end the day with some fun) - who shouted "There you are MS.... KELMAN There waiting for you in the Main Auditorium" .

I told many funny stories at the conference that day to all the medical students but the one they laughed the most at was the true story of me and this lady walking around the campus that day on the way to entertain them .

As a Footnote - I had already instructed my Husband in the morning of my 'intended venue' that day and told him "if I was not back my 5pm that day to come and get me as they may have not let me back out " .

My husband had shouted back from the breakfast table in his usual dry sense of humour Yep ! Love don't worry if your not back in a week or so - I'll drop by and claim you !!

Have a great day all.


Lou X

'Don't be afraid your life may end
Be afraid it may never begin'